tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC October 1, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ? >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- ice t, from "marvel's agents of s.h.i.e.l.d." clark gregg, music from glass animals, featuring the 8g band with elaine bradley. ? [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's good to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump held a news conference friday, where he announced that he believes president obama was born in the u.s. said trump, "i hope that settles the issue, that muslim was born here."
donald trump's running mate, mike pence, said over the weekend that his role model for vice president is dick cheney. which is kind of like a hunter saying his role model for hunting is dick cheney. [ laughter ] donald trump accused media outlets, this morning, of deliberately editing his words to make him come across in a bad light. also, making trump come across in a bad light, light. [ laught [ cheers and applause ] martha stewart endorsed hillary clinton over the weekend and said donald trump is totally unprepared to be president. but she did say that he would make a lovely fall centerpiece. [ laughter and applause ] perfect. beautiful. miami started a citywide ban on styrofoam this weekend. because if you've ever been to
huge problem with white trash. [ laughter and applause ] when they hand it to you, you have to do it. they hand it to us on a styrofoam plate. [ light laughter ] a virtual reality booth in japan held a special event over the weekend where gamers had the chance to fondle a dummy while looking at an image of a woman. "it's just like the real thing," said a guy who was totally guessing. [ laughter ] due to growing concerns about the zika virus, disney announced today that they would begin providing free insect repellant to their guests. but it's not great news for everybody. [ laughter ] ? when you wish ? [ coughing ] [ light laughter ] officials in new york have announced they are disabling web browsing on the city's public
to public masturbation. though if you're someone who's willing to masturbate on a street corner, i'm guessing you'll still find a way to make it happen. [ laughter ] and finally, today is international talk like a pirate day. "oh, just talk like?" said steven tyler. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen we have got a great show. [ cheers and applause ] from nbcla he's one of our favorites, ice-t is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] he is a fantastic actor and one of the stars of abc's, "marvel's agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.," clark greg is on the show for the first time tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from a great english rock band. glass animals are returning to "late night" tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you're going to love them. but before we get to all of that, last week donald trump tried to pull off one of the biggest cons in his campaign
that he wasn't the one who started the birther movement and that in fact, it was actually hillary clinton's fault. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: remember, questioning the legitimacy of the first black president was the centerpiece of donald trump's political career. it's the thing that made him popular to gop voters. but, during this campaign season he's refused to discuss the issue at all. and that came to a head on friday, when trump, once again, played the media by teasing a issue. and the media gamely went along, standing by for an announcement that even they knew was total bs. >> a remarkable moment in the history of presidential politics. we believe a presidential candidate is about to stage a grand event in the hotel ballroom, to essentially declare the sky is blue, water is wet, and the sun rises in the east. we think -- we think that donald trump might say that he now thinks president obama was born
>> we don't know. >> we don't know. >> seth: at this point, trump is effectively giving the news a daily existential crisis. we don't know, man. we just -- we just don't know. so the media stood by with bated breath, and once trump took the stage, he rewarded their patience by immediately getting to the issue at hand, plugging his new hotel in washington, d.c. >> nice hotel. [ light laughter ] under budget and ahead of schedule, isn't that nice? this is our brand new ballroom. we'll be having our opening ceremony in october. and it's going to be something very special. i really believe -- i said this will be the best hotel in washington. >> seth: washington? if trump wins, he should build hotels in canada. [ laughter ] after the election, demand's going to be huge, nobody's going to want to go to washington. [ light laughter ] so after half an hour of free advertising, trump finally tossed the media the bone they've been waiting for. a 30 second statement with no apology that falsely claimed it
first place. >> hillary clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. i finished it. i finished it. you know what i mean. president barack obama was born in the united states, period. >> seth: "obama was born in the united states, period"? point! [ cheers and applause ] you don't get to peddle racist rhetoric for five years and decide when it's over. we decide when it's over. and it's certainly not over after a 30 second statement in the middle of a hotel commercial. [ laughter ] "also, the travelocity gnome said all mexicans aren't rapists so that's over now too." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] "and obama wasn't born here" is your number one hit.
springsteen saying he only wrote "born to run" because he heard bon jovi say it once. [ light laughter ] and trump isn't exactly being shy about how he's manipulating the media either. in fact, he's bragging about it. after the event, he actually retweeted an article headlined donald trump birther event is the greatest trick he's ever pulled. he's bragging about tricking us. it's like when keyser soze tweeted, "i was kevin spacey the whole time." [ laughter ] and that's basically what this entire birther saga is, another trick by donald trump. but trump isn't david copperfield or david blaine, he's your uncle telling you he's got your nose. because now, trump and his campaign are trying to trick people into thinking that trump stopped his birther rhetoric after 2011, a claim chris christie made yesterday, even after being directly contradicted. >> after the president presented his birth certificate, donald has said he was born in the united states, and that's the end of the issue. >> this is a point of fact,
released his birth certificate in 2011. he kept up this whole birther thing until friday. that's five years. [ laughter ] we only have a little time left, so i want to ask you -- >> now, jake, that's just not true. it's just not true that he kept it up for five years. it's certainly not true. >> it is true. >> it wasn't like he was talking -- now jake, it wasn't like -- it wasn't like he was about it on a regular basis until then, and when the issue was raised, he made very clear the other day what his position is. >> seth: now, before we unload on chris christie for being a liar, it's important to remember him. according to today's "new york times," prosecutors now say chris christie knew about the bridge lane closings as they happened. and say what you will about hillary's e-mail server, it never stuck an ambulance in traffic, you cartoon gangster. [ cheers and applause ] of course, this "new york times" report will come as no surprise to the politician who last december said, "the george washington bridge -- he knew about it, he knew about it. totally knew about it," and
>> the george washington bridge. he knew about it, he knew about it. he totally knew about it. >> seth: so the liar hired the other liar to basically work as a greeter at lie mart. [ laughter and applause ] because only a lie mart greeter would claim trump didn't talk constantly about the birther issue for the last five years when thanks to cameras, we know he did. >> people have birth certificates. he doesn't have a birth certificate. >> a lot of people do not think it was an authentic if >> donald, donald, you're beginning to sound a little ridiculous. i have to tell you. >> no, i think you are, wolf. let me tell you something, i think you sound ridiculous. >> you don't still question he was born in the united states, do you? >> i have no idea. you know, some people say that was not his birth certificate. the president should come clean. >> but he is a citizen. he produced that long form birth certificate. >> well, a lot of people don't agree with you. and a lot of people feel it wasn't a proper certificate. >> whether or not that was a
certainly question it, now all we have to do is find out whether or not it was real. >> seth: he was still saying the birth certificate could be fake last year. and by the way, i'm not sure the guy who holds fake press conferences, has a fake university, a fake foundation, fake hair and a fake tan should be the one in charge of deciding what's real. [ cheers and applause ] and even -- even if there hadn't been cameras reporting trump's birtherism the last five years, there are his tweets, which unlike whisperedet from summers long past, are saved and archived, like this one from 2012. "an extremely credible source has called my office and told me that barack obama's birth certificate is a fraud." because if an extremely credible source had evidence in 2012 that the president was a fraud, their first thought would be, "i should call a game show host." [ laughter ] or this 2013 tweet, "how amazing the state health director, who verified copies of obama's birth
let's just step back here, and think about how insane that is. trump thinks the president orchestrated a plane crash so accurate that it only killed the one person who could prove his birth certificate was a fraud. "yeah, just bang the plane against a mountain, but then, land it safely. [ laughter ] 12-e. we want to take out 12-e." it wasn't just obama's birth certificate. trump also questioned the legitimacy of his college records and acceptance into "isn't it time that obama release his college records and applications? boy, wouldn't that create a mess, he's not who you think." or this, "why won't obama release his college applications. is there something foreign about them?" whereas, trump's college application was probably just a wad of cash stuffed in the dean's golf bag. [ laughter ] let's be clear, it wasn't just trump. the republican party saw that a large percentage of their base had bought into the racist conspiracy theory and that it
what did they do? not only did they not denounce it, they tolerated and even encouraged it for years. >> now, i don't assert where he was born. i will just tell you that we are all certain that he was not raised with an american experience. >> i wish this president would learn how to be an american. >> that kind of ignorance about whether he's a muslim, does it concern you? >> listen, the american people have the right to think what they want to think. >> no one's ever asked to see my birth certificate, they know that this is the place that we were born and raised >> seth: well, that's because romney didn't have a birth certificate, he had an owner's manual. [ laughter ] when romney was born, he came with a usb cable and a surge protector. [ laughter ] the bottom line is this, trump built his career on a racist lie because he's a racist, and a liar. and instead of denouncing that lie the gop doubled down on it completely, and now trump is trying to trick people once again by convincing them he was never really a birther at all. and that it was hillary clinton who started it. which brings me back to the event at his hotel.
of schedule? well, once trump left the stage, things fell apart, literally. >> it's important to note that hillary clinton has given -- and the stage is falling apart behind us. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: the only way that could have been more on the nose is if the banner said, "this is a metaphor." [ laughter ] this has been "a closer look." ? [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more "late ni ? this is the story of how mr. bonejangles met his match. mr. bonejangles was always looking for something. but he never found it. until one day... seven in dog time... exactly what he didn't know he was looking for fell right in his lap. was he expecting the perfect toy at an amazing price?
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? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." give it up for the 8g band everybody, right there. [ cheers and applause ] also very excited sitting in with the 8g band this week. she's a drummer from a great rock band, neon trees, elaine bradley is here, everybody. and be sure to check out elaine's other band kissed out. they're debut single "minus yours" is out now. so check out kissedoutmusic.com for more details. thank you for being here this week, elaine. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: now, if i may, before we move on, there's something i need to get off my chest. last night, as i often do, i stopped by the drive through to satisfy a late night french fry crave. they asked if me i wanted
but then i looked in the bag and this is what they gave me. and i'm sorry but i have to say this. no one in their right mind should think this is an appropriate amount of ketchup. >> at this point in the broadcast, seth launched into a 60 second obscenity laden tirade about ketchup packets, and how in his opinion they are too small to be useful. network policy prevents us from broadcasting his comments, but, due to a technical issue, we were forced to air this portion of the show. in short seth believes that the size of condiment packets is an af those behind the design are nothing more than sadistic saucemeisers. [ light laughter ] he added, but really, thanks for the ketchup, it will go great on my first three fries. [ light laughter ] he then got into a heated rant about how ketchup packets are impossible to open with adult sized hands. and how every time he tries to open one himself he looks like a cat playing with a fake mouse. he then grew frustrated and decided to smash the ketchup packet with his mug. spraying its contents on to his stage manager, tom.
about that, bro." to which tom replied "i'm not your bro, bro." [ light laughter ] seth then giggled and confessed that he always thought it was funny how "the word condiment have the word condom in it, because they both go great on a weiner." adding, "don't believe me, check it out." [ laughter and applause ] he then lifted up a hot dog in a condom and waved it around. at which point a member of the audience interjected, "that's disgusting." to which seth replied, "no it's not, it's beautiful and natural, " to which the audience member replied, "i'm not your bro, bro." seth then explained that, due to his fears of not having having enough ketchup, he always travels with a full bottle. and to the tsa agents who always take it away. seth said, "this is not a liquid, this is tomato concentrate, high fructose corn syrup, focused bean gum, partially hydrogenated soybean oil. geez there's a lot of [ bleep ] in here. whatever, it's delicious."
time you order my fries, this is the proper amount of ketchup." [ laughter ] [ laughter ] got it? nbc would like viewers to disregard seth's opinions about ketchup packets as they do not reflect the network's position and do not make any sense. we now resume our broadcast. >> seth: and if you don't agree, it's time for you to catch up with the times. woo! that felt good to get off my chest. we'll be back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ? i struggle with bipolar depression, and it's hard. ?
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night," everybody. our first guest tonight is a legendary hip-hop artist and actor. you can see him each week on "law and order: svu," which returns for it's 18th season, wednesday night at 9:00 pm right here on nbc. please welcome back to the show, our good friend ice t. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> seth: welcome back. ? >> seth: welcome back. >> what's happening, seth? >> seth: how are you? >> how are you, man? >> seth: i'm good. >> like three years, right? >> seth: yeah. it's three years of this show -- about. >> i was here the first week. >> seth: you were here the first week. >> yes, sir. >> seth: and a lot has happened for us since that. >> congratulations. >> seth: because another thing we're doing at the same time, is you have a baby girl. 9 months old. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] and last time you were here, we were talking about it, i now have a 6-month-old. >> yeah. >> seth: and how do you like it? because you have kids now who
>> this is cool, you know what i'm saying? i'm like very conscious, i'm there with them. they say when a man has a baby in the second half of his life, it resets them. it's made me more healthy. it's made me more excited about life, you know. people ask me, well do you get any sleep? i'm like, i ain't got no boobs, know what i'm saying? what do i do? [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying? >> seth: they do not need us at all. >> no, i can sleep through a shootout, man. don't worry about me. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's funny when the baby cries and i go get him. he knows right away, it's not the one he wants. well, i just like -- he like, kicks up the volume another octave. >> she was messing with me the other night. i'm like, don't suck on me, you'll give me a complex right now. >> seth: there you go. [ laughter ] and here -- first of all, this is great. your band body count -- >> yes, sir. >> seth: was doing -- what are you, sound checking? >> yes. >> seth: because here's your baby at the show. dig it. [ audience aws ] look at that. >> with ear protection on. >> seth: ear protection. >> body count onesie, you know what i'm saying? >> seth: now, i'm excited about this, because we have a little dog. you have big dogs.
>> well, that lets you know. [ audience aws ] look how she gets along with the dog. >> seth: and they're just gentle with her? >> yeah. i mean, you know dogs are smart. they know that it's a baby. you say baby, baby. my homeboys said, look, dogs are smart. they understand english. you understand dog? [ laughter ] so, the dog -- [ laughter ] right? >> seth: that's right. that's true. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] and then underestimating them. this is a good one, because again, she's meeting very interesting people at a very young age. there's your beautiful wife coco. >> yeah. >> seth: there's the vp. so -- >> joe biden. >> seth: joe biden, he did special victims unit? >> he came on special victims as a guest. i think it will be the second episode. and it was pretty incredible because he comes on with the secret service. you've had them on here, right? >> seth: sure. it's a lot of people. >> it's a serious lockdown. but it was crazy because he's on there, and he's acting, you know, doing his little speech and he goes where's ice t. and i'm like, "oh, hell no." [ laughter ] you know? you don't believe the vice president or the president knows
>> seth: right. >> and the last time i had a president that knew my name, i was in trouble. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] that's true, that's true. you've had both sides of it. >> yeah. son of a bush was after me. >> seth: yeah, that's right. [ laughter ] so you have biden on the show, and this is incredible, it's the 18th season of the show. >> believe it. >> seth: that's amazing. >> i'm so happy i've had a job for 18 years. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: yeah, because you -- you became a regular season two, right? last episode of the first season, so technically i can claim the first season. i tell them i saved the show. >> seth: sure, they're in trouble. [ laughter ] i remember that first season. >> and then -- yeah. now, it's just me and mariska. we're the only from the beginning of the show, and we're going for 20. i want to go for 21. i want the record. >> seth: there you go. [ cheers and applause ] is that the record? >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: what's 20? is it "gunsmoke" or something? >> yeah. 20 is "gunsmoke." >> seth: okay. >> and i think the actual mothership "law and order" made it to 20.
and i'm happy on the show. i love it. i get along with all my cast and crew, so let's go for it. >> seth: you also -- now there are so many -- dick wolf. he's the genius behind "law and order." and now he has all these other shows on nbc. >> chicago. >> seth: "chicago fire." "chicago p.d." right? >> "chicago med." >> seth: "chicago med." >> and now "chicago legal." >> seth: "chicago legal," look at that. [ light laughter ] so one of the things about all the dick wolf shows is you will do crossovers, right? >> yeah, you do -- i'm just trying to stay -- i tell dick wolf, look, when he did can climb a ladder, man, you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] no, i'm just trying to stay -- i've been on five dick wolf productions, so i'm like -- i'm trying to stay involved with wolf films in a real way. but yeah, we do crossovers. and then, on our show, we do these things called tandems, where you shoot two shows simultaneously. one time we get a tandem crossover, so we were shooting three shows all at the same time, and you have no idea what's going on. [ laughter ] you have no idea what's going on. >> seth: you as a cast member
you're just in a scene, you go like, who is he? [ laughter ] what show is he on? and thank god there's a director, and they tell you what to do. and then you act like you know what's going on. [ laughter ] >> seth: there you go. that's the soul of all acting. [ cheers and applause ] now, you mentioned -- so you haven't always been a police officer in dick wolf shows. >> no, no. >> seth: you played a pimp in an episode of "law and order." this is from a "law and order" movie called "exile." there's chris noth. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> seth: and i bet i pimp, they would have guessed from the outfit. >> yeah. [ laughter ] i got killed with a bowling pin. [ laughter ] >> seth: you got killed with a bowling pin. is it fun to be -- i mean, obviously now you're on the side where you find the dead bodies. because i always thought it would be fun to do a cameo on "law and order." >> no. >> seth: and i wanted to play one of the dead bodies, because it looks so easy. >> no. any of y'all out there that ever thought, oh i want to come on "law and order" and be a dead body, bad idea. my show is about sex crimes, you'll be [ bleep ] up in the east river. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ]
ain't going to give you no money. it's gonna be bad. don't do it. >> seth: and when they fish someone out of the east river, that's not a dummy, that's an actor? that's somebody with a headshot? >> that's an idiot that wanted to be on our show. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so bad, they were willing to play a dead body. >> seth: that would not -- yeah, i would love -- the other part i would love to do, is i would love to be the person who finds the dead body. that seems to me to be the fun part. >> that's my job, though. >> seth: yeah, that's true. [ light laughter ] i don't want to mess with that. this is exciting, too. your band body count. >> yes, sir. >> seth: this is a hard rock ? >> yes. >> seth: metal band. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: with a guy with hip-hop roots is the front man. >> yes. >> seth: this is very unique. >> not that unique, we've been out 20 years, you know. we started way back, 1992 was the first album, we're working on the new album right now, blood lust. and we're going on tour this summer with -- almost, megadeath. >> seth: megadeath. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: which is exciting. so you're on the road with megadeath, how do you -- i mean, obviously it's -- physically much different to do a concert than a tv show.
>> i mean, you have to have your cardio up. it's just like doing broadway. once you get past that first night on tour, it just falls in place. you know. it's -- you know, the crowd, you get the energy, and you go out there and you just, you know, do what you do. >> seth: do you eat before shows? >> no, i don't eat before shows. i had had a bad incident one time i was out. i was on lollapalooza back in the day and this lady served us gumbo during lunch, i went on stage in front of like 20 diarrhea. >> seth: that's not good. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] >> yeah. so imagine standing on stage, holding your butt cheeks, like -- [ laughter ] and you're trying to tell people to go crazy. you're like -- [ grunting ] [ laughter ] and when the show was over, one fart would have been disastrous. [ laughter ] >> seth: that seems like the beginning of an excellent order of "law and order" special made for you. >> yeah, yeah. never again, so i don't eat
>> seth: that's great. well, congratulations on being back on tour. congratulations on season 18, that's incredible. and congratulations on the baby girl. it's always a pleasure. >> congratulations to you. >> seth: thank you, my friend. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: always so good to have you back. every year, you have to be here every year. ice t everybody. "law and order: special victims unit" returns wednesday nights at 9:00 pm here on nbc. we'll be right back with clark gregg. [ cheers and applause ] ? this is my body of proof. proof of less joint pain. n fight psoriatic arthritis with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. humira is the number #1 prescribed biologic for psoriatic arthritis. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis.
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[ applause ] ? >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest plays agent phil coulson, in the marvel cinematic universe. he stars in "marvel's agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. " which is back for its fourth season tomorrow night on abc. let's take a look. >> you know who called us in? >> i do. >> you? okay, now i know something's up. >> i got word from contacts in law enforcement, los angelees. two civilians were violently killed. heads bashed in, spine pulled out of his -- >> many conflicting accounts but all agree. it was odd. >> odd? isn't that our wheelhouse? >> seth: please welcome to the show, clark gregg. ?
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome to the show. >> thank you so much. >> seth: i'm so happy to have you here. i'm a big fan of yours. i'm a fan of yours in a way, in 2008 i'm watching the first ironman movie. that was the first one? >> yes. >> seth: you have a small part. exactly as what you're playing now. did you think this very small part in a movie would lead to ultimately, now you've played this character not only in multiple films, but you have your own show? >> yes, yes. shooting the 71st episode right now. >> seth: it's amazing. well, let me be honest, as a long time character actor, we always sit there and go, even when you have two scenes and your name is agent, you go, "man, they should break this guy out. this guy could really really -- " >> seth: yeah. >> "this guy could take this movie to, write me some more stuff, you wouldn't believe what i could do." >> seth: because robert downey jr. is very good, and i'm not taking away from you anything? >> he's good, i'm not taking anything, but the kid deserves a shot. he's doing a pretty >> seth: but i think the audience is drawn -- >> yes.
never want to deny that, but -- >> seth: yeah. >> there's kind of an every man thing here. >> seth: yeah, you're this bureaucratic guy, that's what the kids like. >> i know, i know. sexy in a really not sexy way. >> seth: yeah. >> and i'm thinking you know -- i'm sitting over there having my snack. >> seth: yeah. >> the little one that i'm allowed. as the day player. >> seth: yeah. >> man they should really do that, and they start to do that. >> seth: yeah. >> and i start to think i'm just having a psychotic break and none of it is happening. >> seth: sure. >> but it was really happening. >> seth: well and also, you have only happen on a comic book show. because you -- you straight up were killed in one of the movies. i saw it. loki killed you. >> there was no denying it. >> seth: there was no denying it. [ light laughter ] it was really sad, because you finally got a gun. they finally gave your character a gun. >> a really big one. >> seth: a really big one. >> a really cool gun. >> seth: and you got to be all macho for a second, and then it straight up killed you. >> i don't even know what it does. you god of mischief you. don't make me blow you away. >> seth: and then he kills you, and you're dead. >> a lot, he killed me a lot. >> seth: but yet it's marvel --
>> i know. what was the weird comic book logic they used for that? >> i said at the time, i was like you know we were shooting that scene. and i was like where's the pages from the governor? don't you want to do another version? >> seth: yeah. >> just in case. the fans might go crazy. >> seth: yeah. >> and they were like, no, they're cool. [ light laughter ] everyone's cool, you had a good run. look at all the blood. >> seth: yeah. >> and i was like okay. and then the weird thing that happened. and this i admit it was really moving. there is this thing "the twitter." >> seth: yeah. >> that i learned about. >> people on the twitter i guess because coulson was the guy with no powers. >> seth: sure. >> more like them than anybody. >> seth: yeah. >> they felt like they weren't happy. >> seth: yeah. >> they started the thing, #coulsonlives. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: saved by a hashtag. >> i know right? some of them are here tonight.
kind of bridges and stuff around the world. >> seth: yeah. >> and apparently marvel listened, 'cause i got a call from joss whedon saying, "okay i know you saw the blood. [ light laughter ] but, we think you might not be so dead. " >> seth: well fantastic, and now you're back. >> and now i'm back. [ applause ] >> i also, want to talk about this, we were talking backstage, because you're obviously in l.a. now, but you started here in new york. >> i did. >> seth: doing a lot of things on stage for almost no money. but what seems pretty nice is that you had some pretty awesome mentors. william h. macy, david mamet. and you were one of the founders of the atlantic theater company, which is a fantastic theater company. >> thank you so much, yeah. >> seth: despite the abject poverty do you look back on those years fondly? >> i do, it was an amazing time, i just stumbled into the confused person who maybe wanted to be an actor. stumbled into an amazing class at nyu, taught by bill macy and dave mamet and in my class was felicity huffman. >> seth: wow. >> and mary mccann and neil pepe who run the atlantic now and have a string of emmys and
marie and rosetta >> not all the times were good. >> seth: oh yeah okay that makes sense. >> but out of that, i was hired to do "a few good men." >> seth: and you did "a few good men" the play, where did you do it? >> on broadway. >> seth: you did in on broadway. >> on the broadway. >> seth: and who did you play on the broadway? what part? >> this was before the movie, now what we like to say is, i played kevin bacon. >> seth: kevin bacon that's a good part. [ light laughter ] >> i played kevin bacon i came kind of close to playing tom cruise. >> seth: okay. >> i had a lot of call backs for that. so when they hired m p kevin bacon, in a fit of over eagerness i said -- they said, "would you also understudy the tom cruise part?" >> seth: sure. >> it wasn't yet. right then it was tom hulce, oscar nominee tom hulce. >> seth: from "amadeus." >> yeah. and he was daniel kaffee the lead and i said, "sure, yeah." and so we did previews and had a lot of rewrites and we opened, and they would do a rehearsal once a week, for the understudy thing. and i missed a couple, suddenly i walked into a matinee one day. and they said, "oh, bad news,
his dog was bit." and i said "okay well, that's a big problem, because i don't know the lines" and it's a 3 hour play and i don't leave the stage. >> seth: right, there's no time to cram for the tom cruise part. >> we have got to cancel this and they were like "look out there." and i was like "oh, my god, there's 1900 people here." and they just start putting me in the uniform. and i was like "honestly, i don't know the lines." and they're like "well, you're going to have to wing it." [ light laughter ] i can almost not tell this story and it was 20 years ago. >> seth: yeah. >> and so i'm backstage and i'm in this ill fitting tom's uniform, and they said "tonight the rof normally played by oscar nominee tom hulce will be played by clark gregg who you don't know." and they were like "boo boo!" [ laughter ] and i go out and start kind improvising, and people look at me confused. >> seth: improvising "a few good men." >> aaron sorkin's brilliant dialogue. >> seth: right. >> i'm getting most of the words but not in the right order. >> seth: yeah. >> and then the scene goes dark. they push me into another pool of light, and two more people show up and i'm like, "oh, oh this scene okay." and we do that and the audience goes "oh this guy doesn't know what's going on." >> seth: oh so they figured it
the last moment of this poor kid's career. >> seth: oh yeah. >> i get through to them. and then it's intermission, people around like a geisha thing, fanning me, like he's not going to make it, and then it's the courtroom, and i'm okay, because i start to interview the -- i think it's called interrogate. >> seth: sure. >> these witnesses. >> seth: you didn't even know that? >> i didn't know any of it. >> seth: yeah. >> i was -- with the jack nicholson character, stephen lang grilling him, i don't know what i'm asking him any more. and i say, "sir, sir, sir excuse me sir." table and they hand me some pages from the script. i was like "this is cool." >> seth: so you're just reading the script? >> i like to think it didn't look like that. but yeah. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, yeah, yeah. and the audience by this point is going, "he might make it. he might make it, i think he might make it." and gets to the end, i walk off, there's a terrible silence. and then a standing o like he's did it. [ cheers and applause ]
spontaneously combust. i wish that was the end of the story, people. [ light laughter ] that was the matinee. everyone took me out for an enormous chocolate dessert. i don't know why that's important. then i went back, tom's back, his dog's okay. >> seth: so you have another show that night. >> i have another show that night. and you're going to come in halfway through the first act -- >> seth: back to kevin bacon. >> in your marine dress uniform i'm kevin bacon again. which is always an honor, frankly. >> seth: nice and easy. >> yep, nice and easy. the next thing i know, and it could have been the chocolate dessert, it could have been the adrenaline. my dressing room door is open headphones going "you're on you're on you're on!" and the next thing i know, i'm staggering out on stage. not stage right, in a marine dress uniform with two chairs, but stage left, in blue jeans and a wife beater t-shirt with my zipper very down. [ light laughter ] >> seth: down revealing? >> well, we don't know yet. >> seth: okay. >> at this point we don't know. >> seth: got you. >> i stumble across poor tom hulce. who's looking the wrong way. and he turns around and he sees me and his face just goes pale. and i'm walking going, "i don't
[ light laughter ] and this is the actor's nightmare, and i start talking to him. he's just looking at me like "that's not this play." and i try a few lines, finally we get going, and we get back on our feet, i sit down on the steps, because there's no chairs because i didn't bring them. and i look down and i see a forest. >> seth: oh no. >> a forest of my '80s lack of manscaping right there. [ light laughter ] sadly. and the audience is -- boy there were faces in the audience just tilting their heads like the way dogs when they hear a funny sound, like what am i looking at? >> seth: that is the truth they can't handle. >> hero to goat. that's the truth they cannot -- >> seth: thank you. [ applause ] thank you for sharing. it's very nice of you to share. >> i know. >> seth: thanks for bringing it all back. >> you can't handle the bush. >> seth: there you go. thank you so much for being here. >> thanks so much. >> seth: clark gregg everybody. fourth season tomorrow, [ cheers and applause ] "agents of s.h.i.e.l.d." premieres tomorrow night at ten p.m. on abc. we'll be right back.
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